Changes, Lessons Learned (Romantically and Not)

Two weeks into the new year, you may be checking in on any changes you’ve made. Maybe you decided it was time to implement a morning routine, or perhaps you committed to being active for at least 30 minutes a day. No matter what change you’ve chosen, it will always bring a lesson to be learned.

Some lessons are small, like when you decide not to pack your rain jacket because you think, Surely it won’t rain during the 10-minute walk home, or I’ll make it back before the rain starts. (What made you so sure?) These are the small lessons we learn. But other days, the lessons are bigger—ones that result from spreading gossip, texting while driving, or allowing that one person to come back into your life when you know deep down they’re not there to add to it in any way. Some lessons make us laugh when we look back on them, but others cost us friendships, break our hearts, or change our perspective completely.

I want to start by talking about one of the biggest changes—and lessons—we experience as humans: loss. If you guessed losing someone—romantically or not—I’d agree. But I’m specifically focusing on romantic losses. Heartbreak. The worst lesson to be learned, if you ask me, but also the best change to be brought on.

Sometimes, we long to feel desired by a significant other. And sometimes, that longing turns into living for their approval. This is for the girls who curl their hair because their boyfriends "like it better," or wear makeup religiously because they get more compliments that way, or attend church more often because their partner wants to raise kids in a Christian household—even if they’re not sure they believe in religion themselves. All of these changes—curling your hair more, wearing makeup daily, attending church—are great if they’re things you truly want for yourself. The problem lies in waiting for someone else to tell you who to be, instead of deciding for yourself in the first place.

At the end of the day, if doing these things makes you happy, I’m just as happy for you, or even happier. But there’s a flipside: when you make changes to please someone else, you can end up living for their approval. So, what happens if the relationship ends? If it doesn’t work out, and you’re left with a routine that was built around someone you once cared for—perhaps even loved? That routine stays with you until you create a new one, one that reminds you that you’re living for yourself, and that the only person who can determine what’s best for you is you.

So, by now, you’ve experienced a change. A new routine. A shift in perspective. A lesson learned. I was talking with a dear friend of mine recently about this journal, and we both laughed about the idea that breakups are actually a good thing. A great thing, in fact. You will become "new and improved." You will literally "level up" because you will never allow yourself to settle for what was before. The only option is literally the next level up (see what I did there?). Breakups can be exciting because they mark the start of a new chapter, with new changes, and of course, new lessons to be learned.

Give yourself some grace, but remind yourself of this: you are about to become the best version of yourself, and that’s pretty damn cool.